dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My vagina is officially offended.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
