I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
