I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
