So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm like, not good at living.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
