I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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