he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
