so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
