Christians are straight up FREAKS
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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