I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
