i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
