i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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