that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
