I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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