At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
