My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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