All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
