I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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