rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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