he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
