At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
