If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
