my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
