"it" just moved
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to fling myself into the sun
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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