I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
