R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm passing your future prison.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
