At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
