Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
