she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
