I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
