i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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