you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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