Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
