**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
