no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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