It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
