I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
