Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
