Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
