At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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