11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We're facebook friends in real life
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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