the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
