:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
