Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
