she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
