So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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