We're like a lot better than the average bears
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
