the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
