I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
