fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want nice things and good sex
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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