She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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