I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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